Dear Author Impersonating A Spanish Tomato,

(in response to A Letter to All Indians from a Spanish Tomato & Second Letter to All Indians from a Spanish Tomato)

Please do not assume that you know what India and what every Indian is about. We are well aware of our situation regarding poverty, starvation, farmer suicides and the scores of problems that plague our nation and our people.

From your letter, it seems that you might be in dire need of a lesson or two when it comes to politeness. Your letter addresses an entire nation. Do show some respect. Writing as a 'mere tomato' is no excuse for being impolite and disrespectful to a people you barely know. A few Indians may be hell-bent on aping the west to jump onto the supposedly “cool” bandwagon, but don’t toss us all in with a few bad apples. Don’t you think you’ve crossed a line by questioning each and every Indian’s sanity, other than yourself (if you are an Indian, as I dared assume from some of your previous posts)?

Is it illegal for “us Indians” as you address us, to show any interest in Spain or do you consider Spain unworthy of any other nation’s interest, unless there are some “deals” involved. I’m sure most of Spain would beg to differ. Just so you know, Bollywood has shot movies in Greece, Australia, America and London too, without being accused of any underlying political deals.

“Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara” is just one movie. Rather, it is an extremely long Spanish tourism commercial, as some would say. Many, however, have looked down upon the “La Tomatina” and the “bull run” scenes. Yes, some of “us Indians” have a problem with the bull-run too. Who’d have thought?

I don’t see what shopping malls and beggars have to do with the festival. Sure poverty is a problem, but that doesn’t mean that the “rich” have to forgo every pleasure until every Indian is in a position to celebrate to his heart’s content or sleep with a content belly. That day will never come, not for India, nor any other country. It’s plain, simple logic. Everyone has to make sacrifices to manage to live within their means.

It may come to you as a great surprise, but “quite a few” Indians are rich and we can afford to shop at malls. Yes, it’s true. The people who beg along the streets don’t hold it against the mall-goers, why do you? Frankly, you have no right to judge where the people of Bangalore, Delhi or any other Indian city, shop.

Do you know why Anna Hazare was fasting? Do you know how many hundreds, no not hundreds, thousands of Indians supported him? To make one point extremely clear, Anna Hazare was not fasting to drill sense into us. He did not need to drill sense into us. He led a movement against the government which conveniently turned a blind eye towards rampant corruption. He fasted so that a strong bill could be passed in the parliament that would help curb corruption all over the country. “We Indians” supported him wholeheartedly, including movie stars, some politicians (who might have had questionable agendas), activists and scores of regular people.

Your second letter takes the cake. First you insult Indians, later you congratulate the same Indians and then you insult us some more. You asked us why this idea interested us at all in the first place. It’s probably because “some” (please pay special attention to the word “some” as you tend to assume all Indians are crazy) wannabes thought it would be a good idea, just as “some” people in Spain thought that (quoting you) “throwing food at each other” is a fun idea.

I’m quite surprised that you have managed to come to a conclusion about an entire nation’s food wastage situation by attending a certain number of social gatherings. People who heap their plates with the sole intention of wasting the food that they have served themselves are mentally sick. Although, I doubt the ladies in question attended the wedding with such evil intentions, I can’t say anything for sure since you were the one present there, closely monitoring what they ate and what they didn’t, eavesdropping on their conversations, I’m sure, for research purposes.

We don’t have food to waste at festivals, lunches and dinners. I'm fortunate enough to have family, relatives, friends and neighbors who are as sensitive to the food wastage situation as any other responsible Indian citizen. We’re regular citizens of India, referred to as ‘the middle class’, ‘the lower middle class’ and ‘the poor’, who put together, form more than 70% of this nation. I can think of three reasons why you wouldn’t know this, about "us Indians" –

1.       You have bothered to interact only with a rare brand of pigheaded rich folk who seem to perform food wastage as a regular ritual,

2.       Your only experience with any Indian celebration has been the big, fat wedding that you have mentioned in your letter,

3.       You have the misfortune of having encountered only the negative side of India, which seems quite impossible.

You have a problem with us boycotting a “branded food fight festival” because we haven’t been able to solve the problem of food wastage in other situations. Are we not allowed to nip a problem in the bud before solving other related problems? Is there a particular chronological order in which the problems of a nation must be solved?

Activists do as much as they can. They may take up the issue about food wastage at weddings, or they may not. They may take up the issue regarding food being left to rot in government warehouses, or they may not. They may fight for the cause of our farmers, or they may not. None of them are answerable to you. They are doing enough for their country. You on the other hand, are busy pointing fingers at what they have not achieved. Isn’t that convenient!

You have the audacity to call us hypocrites. Not just a handful of Indians that you claim to know, nor a particular community that you have had a bad experience with, no - you have assumed that each and every Indian is a hypocrite, based on your in-depth research. It isn’t part of our culture to waste food. Just because some Indians are guilty of such an unforgivable crime, it doesn’t mean that it changes what we have been taught, what we believe in and what has been engraved into the very foundation of our culture you question. To the rest of “us Indians”, wastage of food is as big a crime as it might be to you, or even bigger. Indians who are eager enough to participate in the La Tomatina Festival will flock to Spain. There is no stopping them. Every Indian is not rushing to the airport as you pass judgment and hurl accusations.

I haven’t heard of any activist asking that the La Tomatina festival be banned over women running around in hot pants. We have water parks and beaches in India where women are free to walk around in bikinis. You can see a number of women going to discotheques and parties in much shorter and skimpier clothes than what Katrina Kaif wore in Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara. India will always suffer from a small bunch of lunatics who take moral policing into their own hands. I don’t see how that makes all of us hypocrites.

You have labeled an entire nation crazy and called every Indian a hypocrite based on a part of India that you have interacted with, before jumping to an extremely hurtful conclusion. We have successfully banned the La Tomatina festival in Delhi, Mysore, Bangalore and hopefully, in Mumbai too. Spain still celebrates the La Tomatina festival. We do not approve of it but we don’t judge Spain either.

An entire nation should not be judged based on the actions of a few, just as a blogger should not be judged by two unreasonable, impolite posts addressed to an entire nation, more than half of which the blogger has yet to meet.

- From,
Your Average Indian Citizen

The Taste of Anything

One of the biggest urges I have to fight when I step out the house is waltzing blindly into a fast food joint and waltzing out a few kilos healthier. My figure doesn’t top my list of worries. I’m more concerned about my heart pulling off a Cartman and going “screw you guys, I’m going home” and storming out someday. Thanks to living in a broadminded, rich and secure city like Mumbai, my worries are limited to dodging speeding luxury cars, watching my weight, wondering what to wear to church, what junk food to give in to occasionally, so on and so forth.

Just as I am drowning in my food fantasies, a corner of my mind bleeds with guilt.

4th November, 2010 marked the 10th anniversary of one the nation’s longest and most peaceful struggles for human rights. Irom Sharmila has been fasting for 10 years now, fighting for the rights of her Indian brothers to live.

The Armed Forces Special Powers Act, 1958 (its that old, they have been suffering in this war like state for more than 50 years now!) has been criticized by the United Nations as well various human rights’ organizations all over the country. Navanethem Pillay, the United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights described the Act as “dated and colonial-era law that breach contemporary international human rights standards”. Honestly, I don’t see why such a law should have existed in any era, let alone in this day and age. If you just glance at the ‘freedom’ and impunity these laws grant the authorities, you should be shaken to the very core of your soul, if you are still human. This one in particular, makes absolutely no sense at all:

To arrest without a warrant and with the use of "necessary" force anyone who has committed certain offenses or is suspected of having done so.

“OR IS SUSPECTED OF HAVING DONE SO”

Take a moment to let that meaning sink in. The ‘necessary force’ spoken of usually ends with the death (an excruciatingly painful death) of the ‘suspects’ in question. Would these laws be tolerated in a city as broadminded and advanced as Mumbai or Delhi or Calcutta or Hyderabad? Why Manipur? What sin so great did that state and its people commit to be tortured and murdered at the whim of an authority? Suppressing insurgency doesn't even begin to make a decent argument anymore. The more fuel the authorities add to the fire, the stronger the insurgent groups grow.

All this blood, to keep the North Indian states from separating from India. Is this our idea of democracy? How the government and the army plan to prevent the secession of the North Indian states of India by inflicting torture and depriving them of their right to life, is beyond me. Just as Kashmir rose against the injustice they have suffered thanks to the AFSPA, (yes the ARMED FORCES SPECIAL POWERS ACT can claim a good deal of responsibility if Kashmir packs its bags and leaves) Manipur is not far behind. Our country crumbles under senseless, brutal laws while the government and the “authorities” pretend that “all is well”. The very fact that the 10th Anniversary of Irom Sharmila’s fast barely got any media attention is proof enough of the government’s desperation to sweep these murders under the rug.

Today, the Armed Forces Special Powers Act is nowhere close to the limelight since the “authorities” have a stronghold on the media, but there will come a day when someone braver than us bloggers will ask you to support their fight against atrocities this act has forgiven over decades. It may be a poll or a march or a silent protest or it might be a not-so-gentle reminder to the government that ‘we Indians feel the pain of our brothers and sisters’. What will you do? Sink back into your comfortable world of small worries or rise to support your fellow brethren and save our country from splintering to fragments, one state at a time?

Its upto you, just bother to do a little research first, if you don’t wish to blindly agree with that last rhetorical question.

Justice - Negotiated, Denied, Postponed & Delivered

Our legal system has proudly worn a rarely fading smirk through the ages. Irrespective of whether you were the guilty or the victim, the lawyer and the law made a noticeable dent in your savings, bank account and your reputation (sucks if you were the good guy) no matter what the outcome of your case was.

In recent times, however, criminals have been given more reasons to rejoice (read: indulge in more criminal activities, carelessly). The law has always been for sale at reasonable prices, especially now, as compared to pulses and other daily commodities (yes, thank you Congress), authoritative agencies and government bodies have stopped hiding behind the “we’re doing our job as best as we can” façade and going out on a limb to help the guilty get away with a rap on the knuckles or a promotion in the most unfortunate cases.

Three cases have been burning up every newspaper stand, television set and internet news search all over India – The Aman Kachroo case, the Ruchika Girhotra case and the Adarsh scam. The outcome is plain disheartening.

Since most tax payers have come to terms with the fact that only a marginal amount of our hard earned moolah will be put to good use, the Adarsh scam is almost forgivable. All widows are treated like crap in most parts of India, so the Government was just sticking to tradition.

The Aman Kachroo ‘murderers’ have been sentenced to 4 years in prison, 21months of which are already complete so a big shout out to all ye drunk hooligans – “Alcohol lets you get away with murder”.

The best one yet is the Ruchika Girhotra case. Not only do the government and the authorities in question, believe in celebrating the offender’s success as a molester with a promotion, they also facilitate the harassment of the victim’s family for two decades. The media shouts its lungs out, and the truth can be heard by everyone but the judge.

Enough criticism of the government and the authorities, I say. Why burden their tender, weak, bribe-ridden shoulders with our grievances? I shall end with a pretty long, short story.

A wicked, wealthy woman harassed her nephew and niece; monetarily and emotionally, day in day out. The timid brother and sister took it all in their stride, year after year. The whole village watched as she cut their water connection, obstructed the renovation of his house and locked the meter box days before his wedding leaving him high and dry for electricity. Yet he did nothing, because she was a nightmare with viciously evil ‘friends’ to support her evil ways and he barely had a penny to his name.

Then came along, a miraculous morning, when she found herself surrounded by the entire village in the church yard, that could not bear to see her relatives suffer her cruelty any longer. Had she not been arrested for harassment and what not, she might have never gotten out of that church yard walking.

Now I don’t promote mob violence. I don’t believe that every matter needs to be solved with sticks, stones and shoes. Then, there are those times when you have to go with “laton ke bhoot baton se nahi maantein” and risk the consequences especially when you are certain that you’re dealing with a “ghee kabhi seedhi ungli se nahi nikalti” situation.

The New Patriotism

An idle mind is a devil’s workshop. Many ‘patriotic’, ‘rational’, ‘sensible’ Indians will believe that to be true once they get through this article.

Kashmir, like most festering problems in India like the Maoist ‘insurgency’ and Manipur, has been easily ignored be those living comfortable existences, who have not suffered to their breaking point at the hands of corrupt authorities, torturing them and milking their tolerance dry. The issue has always been treated with a local anesthesia of sorts, numbing it out because it doesn’t concern us and “we trust people with unprecedented power to take the right decisions for the people without putting their gold plated, vested interests first”.

Until recently, we didn’t give a crap about what the fundamentalists, separatists, social workers or authors were trying to say, because India seemed decades away from a civil war or uprising or revolution that would shake the very foundations of the comfy couch we practice our indifference on. That picture, however, began to change when the oppressed began to say ‘no more’. Our couches now sat on unstable ground that could be shattered to cotton balls and splinters in a matter of years. We needed a strategy to combat this cry for justice. That strategy was ‘patriotism’.

People who cared for their country as much as they cared for the cockroach in their neighbor’s kitchen began spewing patriotic bullshit about ending insurgency and Kashmir being the pride and glory of India. People began to see the saviors of society as the enemy that had to be silenced at the earliest, lest the truth gained too much momentum. Thanks to this new found surge of patriotism, the media decided it was best to ride this sensational wave and blew things out of proportion, instigating the (most of the muddle headed and a few of the) hot blooded youth of the nation to condemn Arundhati Roy’s fight for justice.

Kashmir is part of India, by choice or by militarization. We have spent crores to keep Kashmir - their land, their freedom and their resources belong to us. Even though it may seem irrational, unreasonable and unforgivably selfish, we will shed blood to keep Kashmir, because it is a matter of national pride (and a matter of national security to a certain extent).

Under the British, we were an oppressed people with no justice. Human rights were blatantly violated. Today, Kashmir stands in those shoes. Their dam of tolerance has crumbled under the weight of our indifference to their pain over the decades. The Indian Government has become the British, and we know all too well, how that story ends.

If only we chose to care.

I am the Cow Whisperer

Good day folks, it is I, the 'cow whisperer', level 79 of FarmVille.

See, I wasn't kidding.

In Blogger news, I have disabled nasty comments (new feature: WIN!) where all ridiculous / sad / stupid / nonsensical comments shall miraculously vanish into thin air within a certain period of time. It has nothing to do with me clicking that little 'trash can' icon beside your name. Just believe in the magic of blogger for once, will you. Good.

Lets talk about current issues, the stuff that's making headlines and that should be making headlines.
1. KASHMIR:
Kashmir's finally being seen as the poor li'l puppy tied to a light pole in the rain to shiver to death, while we all look at it and go "awww" and export juicy apples. The people started voicing their grievances through pebbles and stones, and since the Government isn't particularly psyched about complaints, a hundred of them got killed. Its you're regular mini-Indian massacre. I don't know what got into Arundhari Roy's head to go on and start speaking out against injustice all over again. She had the whole sedition issue coming all along, and she deserves it. When a Government is so threatened by a person's words that they resort to lawful means to get them to shut up, it means you're doing something right. I'm damn proud of that woman! She isn't one of us 'pretend' patriots who worry about consequences, be it the Maoists or Kashmir, she will voice it out loud and clear. Government jaye tel lene! What's sad is that she is fighting for justice in a country that survives on injustice and corruption. Please go ahead and call me anti-Indian. Oh wait, you can't thanks to the magic of blogger. Muahahahahaha!

2. Pyaar Ki Yeh Ek Kahani:
May I introduce you to the desi version of Twilight. Some genius, somewhere figured out that if the goras can make monies with a bunch of bad actors, by just tossing in a blood-sucker story line, we'll do it better. Thus, "Pyar Ki Yeh Ek Kahani" was born. The story revolves around a girl who is orphaned and falls in love with a rich vampire boy. Yup, that's pretty much all the story line Indian daily soaps need. We're gonna show those goras what bad acting is!



3. Not the Poor Old Lady with Cats:
For those of you who haven't heard, I've got a job :D . I'm a web designer at a li'l new-born company in Mumbai and life is good, which also means I won't wind up being the poor old lady with cats. Nyooohoohoohoohoo! I shall be the old web designer lady with enough money to feed her cats so that they don't start attacking her for food. (sigh) My ideal future...

Time to get back to work, see you around folks. Be good and burn someone this Diwali...