Sunday, December 9, 2012

Dear Loser: If he could do it, so can YOU


On June 19, 2012, Dan Pearce wrote “In Which I Respond to Josh Weed’s Unicorn Club Post” about Josh Weed’s “Club Unicorn: In which I come out of the closet on our ten year anniversary”. You should read both posts. They’re worth your time even if you aren’t gay, don’t know anybody gay or don’t have any interest in any issue related to homosexuality. If you don’t read these two gems, you’re missing out on few of life's important lessons that each post teaches you beautifully.

Now back to the losers. Everyone knows at least ONE loser. That person could be a relative, a friend, a neighbor or an acquaintance. You might have tried to inspire them to pick up their lives and jump back into the fighting ring, a.s.a.p. to make up for lost time. I’ve been there, and I’ve done that to more people than I can think of at the moment. It’s one of those “OMG! I can’t believe I did that” sort of things. If you’re lucky, your worst would be getting drunk and dancing on a table at a party.  Of course, nobody listened or threw me onto a busy highway lane. It annoyed me, but it never discouraged me from trying and trying some more and trying harder … *screeching halt*

Hold your horsies! Stop galloping to that conclusion that I know you’re galloping toward – Oh, she’s a woman and every woman is fuelled with the perpetual desire to fix everything that seems broken and ‘agony aunt’ the living crocodile poop out of all things ‘life’ related – but no, I’m not THAT person. These were close people I genuinely cared about and couldn't bear to see throw their lives away. They didn't lack potential and them just dropping out of the rat race made ZERO sense to my hamster-powered brain. These were the "losers" of society, the people aunties would look at and exchange disappointed nods, the people teachers were tired of giving inspirational talks to, the almost-lost causes. These were the people who couldn't catch up with life for a variety of reasons we may have brushed to the sidelines as silly excuses. These were the people who slowed down to a crawl or just stopped. These were a group of people I never imagined I’d belong to, because I was always doing things by the approved time that society allotted to the ‘necessary milestones of life’ list. I was on a roll. Then my roll broke... and has stayed broken for the past 6years (roughly) if not broken more.

Being at the receiving end of inspirational talks sure made me want to slap myself. Justin Timberlake wasn’t kidding when he sang What Goes Around, Comes Around. Inspirational talks to our section of society usually boil down to one heart-warming, determination-fueling true story (which I'm not guilty of doing to any of my friends, since I wasn't old enough to know any success stories), especially from the ‘elders’, about how a ‘similar lost cause’ of society pulled up their socks, straightened up their act and that we should do the same, because somebody else managed to do it.

The following lines have been taken from page four of Dan Pearce’s article:
You offered a valuable perspective to the world and you opened up an outlet for civil discussion about religion and homosexuality. I only hope and pray that people take what you’ve written for what it is and what you intended it to be…
Your story.
Not THE story that should be used as a guiding force for all others.
It is the privilege and right of every human being to make their own story. And no person’s story can wholly depend on the truths that have surfaced for another. There will never be integrity in that.

Don’t get me wrong here. I’m not trying to say that you shouldn't try to inspire someone to change for the better. Everyone needs all the support and the inspiration they can get. However, implying that a person WILL find a solution to their problem by going down the same path someone else managed or that the said path is not impossible “IF ONLY YOU TRIED HARD ENOUGH” is unfair.

We try. We think about it more than you do. We struggle with it every day because we live through it every day. We may consider your solution or even act on it. What we need you to do, is not force it down our throats because life is not a game where one walkthrough works for everyone.

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